Updated: Sep 14, 2022
Some people call it an existential crisis, midlife or quarter life crisis, others call it an emotional breakdown; I call it a Spiritual Awakening. Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life.
In 2012 I was only a year in to my nursing career and already burnt out. I had developed an addiction to marijuana and was lighting spliffs before I left my work's parking lot. I had developed a double life as a nurse during the day and a performance artist at night. Performance art had become a way for me to cope with the emotions that were left over from the numbing out on drugs and alcohol.
In 2013 I quit everything, sold all my belongings, and left with only a backpack. I hitchhiked down south and ended up in Texas, pregnant, working on a food truck for under the table cash. The crazy part is, I wasn't on drugs for all that, except for an LSD trip right at the beginning. But I was begging for food, no one was giving away drugs. Unlike what D.A.R.E tells you.
I was looking for myself, I was looking for meaning, for a reason to be alive. I couldn't find it at home so I went looking for it. My thought was, if I can make it out there, with nothing, at the whim of the universe, without the comfort of my family or a steady job, then I'll know I'm supposed to be here.
I Don't Think we're in Kansas Anymore
Because honestly, at that point, if I couldn't find a strong reason to be here, I didn't want to be. The world was too messed up, people were too disconnected, from one another and themselves; we were slowly destroying the planet and it was only getting worse. I felt powerless, even though I could see in my mind the way the world could be better, I saw no way that little old me could impact that great of a change.
My story is a little dramatic, I think it had to be, so that I could stand (or sit) here and tell you that there's hope. If I could go from homeless, and hopeless, to a confident, empowered individual making real tangible change in this world, then you can change too.
How did I get here?
A spiritual awakening at it's simplest is a push to change. When we're experiencing social anxiety, withdrawing from our lives, and daydream about escaping, it's because there's something our Soul wants us to know about ourselves.
Even though my breakdown/through sent me way far away from home, outside my comfort zone and everything I was familiar with; it ended top being a Wizard of Oz moment. There was a morning I woke up and heard the song 'Once in a Lifetime' by Talking Heads with the lyrics:
You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
You may find yourself in another part of the world
You may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
You may find yourself in a beautiful house with a beautiful wife
You may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?
In that moment I knew I had to get home. I took all the cash I had and got a cab to the airport. I had, to the dollar, enough money to buy a plane ticket home. I begged for quarters to make a call home and ask my parents to pick me up at the airport. I remember being so hungry and waiting for the free snack they would serve on the airplane.
You may find yourself
All that searching outside myself, and the only place I could be found was inside myself. But, I needed tools to find myself. I needed something that worked. Today, I have found and now offer a path to Spiritual Self Mastery. The key is to heal the emotions and clear the mind so that we can live fully in our hearts. I believe that living fully in the heart is how we have more peace, purpose & fulfillment and also how we create a better world.
Now that we're in the 2020's I don't think there's anyone out there who *isn't* having some sort of spiritual breakthrough, but hey, I've been wrong before. But there are Seven Signs your *are* having a Spiritual Awakening.
You're loosing interest in things that used to make you happy. When we don't quench out soul's desire for authenticity, individual expression and deep connection; we start to get bored with our lives. We start yearning for something more, even though we don't even really know what 'more' is.
You're questioning the meaning of life, and why you're here. As to start wondering what 'more' there is, you also might starting wondering 'why'. Why is a tricky question, because it's not objective. A substantial 'Why' could be insubstantial for someone else. Instead of asking 'why', maybe try asking 'for what purpose'. Notice how the line of questioning changes.
You feel disconnected from your life & the people in it. When you start to loose interest in your life, the connection you once had with it starts to fade. It isn't doing for you what it once did. It starts to loose purpose, and you're looking for something with a deeper and more meaningful purpose.
You have anxiety in social situations. Social anxiety is when your personality masks start to itch. You've created this personality persona, that you've convinced even yourself that its the 'real you'; but as you play out this character, you get anxious because there's some part of you that knows it isn't the real you, and the real you wants the freedom to express itself.
You daydream about escaping and starting over. You know you want something else but you have no idea where to start or what to do. This is the part where I ran away haha! (only funny in hindsight). As a Spiritual Guide, I encourage people NOT to do this. While we want to run and be free, we also need a foundation to live. Don't leave your job until you have another one lined up.
You desire more time alone. There's a lot of questions, a lot of emotions, a lot of thoughts to sift through. The pressures of trying to keep up who the world wants you to be becomes too much. You need time alone to figure yourself out. This doesn't meant numbing out or disassociating!
You experience unexplained physical sensations. This one's a little less common but it can be ringing in the ears, seeing repetitive numbers or 'signs', I would also categorize social anxiety with this. It's another sign that the Universe (aka you/your Soul/ your Spirit) is trying to reach out and communicate with you. You just need to figure out how to turn the dial to the right frequency to hear the message.
What I would tell anybody who's experiencing one or all of these is to strengthen your connection with yourself. Slow down, calm your mind, turn inward. Don't make any drastic moves! (like I did!). You don't want to completely upturn your life without some basis for support. Things like journaling, a meditation practice, yoga, gratitude practices; are all things that will help nurture your relationship with yourself.
If/when you want more than what these are offering you; there is a path of Spiritual Self Mastery for you to walk, just as I have. It includes a step by step series of Activations, Initiation and Ascension processed based in Hermetic Alchemy. It's ancient Magick, not New Age. It is a system of transformation that has been proven by time. As a guide, I am here to assist you in beginning your path back to yourself. Reach out to schedule a free consult.